Just what is, FAT?

I have to laugh when I hear women and men refer to themselves as fat. Take today for example; As we were celebrating the retirement of a beloved colleague and sucking back butter-cream cake and samosas, I overheard another teacher say, “Oh my God I ate too much, I am going to get fat.” Hmm. OK. Where oh WHERE do I start with this one? I realize that fat is a subjective term. For example, if you finish a Thanksgiving meal, and your pants are popping at the seams, you may weigh 120 pounds (and be 5 foot 8), but still feel what you conceive to be, the effects of “being fat” which, when explained medically, is really just bloat. You will wake up the next day, still be 120 pounds, and head to Starbucks to suck back your low-fat, green tea soy latte with skin milk and a shot of sugar free vanilla syrup.  And be none the fatter. Turn to the 300 pounder who is used to this kind of bodily assault, working on plate number 3, and the pants may feel fine.  It’s doubtful, however, that the 300 pounder will utter the terms “I feel fat.” That’s one thing true fatties never do. We never say we FEEL fat, preferring to keep it as the figurative, and literal, elephant in the room.

Plus, skinny friends, I have to let you in on a little secret. It takes years of hard work, dedication and a s#@*load of carbs to reach epic fat proportions. One Costco slab cake just isn’t going to do that.

Anyway, for all of my slight of weight friends who feel they are medically fat as the result of one episode of binging, keep these statements in mind before you self-diagnose. Consider them carefully.

The Top Ten Indicators You May Have a High BMI and Indeed “Be Fat.”

10. Cankles. Shankles. Thankles. You get the idea.

9.  You know that Mr. Atkins is on holiday in the Zone, with his girlfriend Jenny, eating his cabbage soup, while tanning on South Beach. You understand at least 3 out of the 5 references here. And have tried as    many.

8. You know what chafing is, and where you might find it. You also know restorative and preventative measures to alleviate it.

7. You know the max capacity of a sitting device better than its engineer. You have also broken one. A chair that is, not an engineer.

6. Your Halloween costumes are limited to Shrek, Mimi from the Drew Carey Show, or an M and M.

5. You need a Sherpa to climb stairs.

4. Sitting down is infinitely easier than getting up. But when you do sit down, you do it with care and precision. See number 7.

3. Self-pedicures and tying shoes are a cardiovascular workout.

2. Your joints play a symphony when you first get out of bed. Your knees are the castanets.

And the number one indicator you may be fat is:

Two words. Chin. Plural.

So skinny friends, take heed: if you can relate to, or have experienced many of these things, then yes, maybe yes, you may, indeed, BE FAT. : )

Have a great day!