I have to laugh when I hear women and men refer to themselves
as fat. Take today for example; As we were celebrating the retirement of a
beloved colleague and sucking back butter-cream cake and samosas, I overheard
another teacher say, “Oh my God I ate too much, I am going to get fat.” Hmm. OK. Where oh WHERE do I start with this one? I realize that fat is a subjective
term. For example, if you finish a Thanksgiving meal, and your pants are
popping at the seams, you may weigh 120 pounds (and be 5 foot 8), but still
feel what you conceive to be, the effects of “being fat” which, when explained
medically, is really just bloat. You will wake up the next day, still be 120
pounds, and head to Starbucks to suck back your low-fat, green tea soy latte
with skin milk and a shot of sugar free vanilla syrup. And be none the fatter. Turn to the 300
pounder who is used to this kind of bodily assault, working on plate number 3, and
the pants may feel fine. It’s doubtful,
however, that the 300 pounder will utter the terms “I feel fat.” That’s one
thing true fatties never do. We never say we FEEL fat, preferring to keep it as
the figurative, and literal, elephant in the room.
Plus, skinny friends, I have to let you in on a little
secret. It takes years of hard work, dedication and a s#@*load of carbs to
reach epic fat proportions. One Costco slab cake just isn’t going to do that.
Anyway, for all of my slight of weight friends who feel they
are medically fat as the result of one episode of binging, keep these
statements in mind before you self-diagnose. Consider them carefully.
The Top Ten Indicators You May Have a High BMI and Indeed
“Be Fat.”
10. Cankles. Shankles. Thankles. You get the idea.
9. You know that Mr. Atkins
is on holiday in the Zone, with his girlfriend Jenny, eating his cabbage soup, while
tanning on South Beach. You understand at least 3 out of the 5 references here.
And have tried as many.
8. You know what chafing is, and where you might find it.
You also know restorative and preventative measures to alleviate it.
7. You know the max capacity of a sitting device better than
its engineer. You have also broken one. A chair that is, not an engineer.
6. Your Halloween costumes are limited to Shrek, Mimi from
the Drew Carey Show, or an M and M.
5. You need a Sherpa to climb stairs.
4. Sitting down is infinitely easier than getting up. But
when you do sit down, you do it with care and precision. See number 7.
3. Self-pedicures and tying shoes are a cardiovascular
workout.
2. Your joints play a symphony when you first get out of
bed. Your knees are the castanets.
And the number one indicator you may be fat is:
Two words. Chin. Plural.
So skinny friends, take heed: if you can relate to, or have experienced many of these things, then yes, maybe yes, you may, indeed, BE FAT. : )
Have a great day!
